Is this really me?

Just read a couple of blog posts from mums relating to Mother's Day and how odd it feels to describe themselves as mothers, especially if they are experiencing the day with this status for the first time. I have to say I totally agree. Sometimes it seems as if Gemma is too beautiful and amazing to have been produced by such juveniles as Ali and myself - and yes though I am (hem) 35 I do still feel like a child sometimes. I certainly don't feel a huge amount older than I did at, say, 20, just with more experiences under my belt and a few lines round the eyes (but not a single grey hair yet, astoundingly enough).

It feels like we're settling into some sort of a routine at least, even though I still wake up most days with a mild tinge of panic around me of the 'what are we going to do today' variety. As someone who previously lived her life in a very orderly, structured way, even in so far as getting on the same train seat every day, it is often a very weird feeling to have nothing really planned. And so those lunches with friends, even if invariably eaten cold and one-handed; or the spontaneous walk by the river; or even the postnatal fitness class we're going to today, are all welcome distractions from the slightly fraudulent thoughts running through my head on a daily basis.

Mother's Day was quite nice though. A stunning bouquet of flowers and a very sweet card from Gemma (with a little help from Daddy, though charmingly with the threat of taking the money from her child trust fund account to pay for them. I assume this was a joke) and a day to potter in the garden and sort out all Gemma's clothes, while Ali babysat in between feeds. Not the most self-indulgent or pampering day perhaps, but it'll certainly do for now.

Progress

Of sorts, anyway. It looks like I did no posts at all in February - first time ever I've skipped a month. However in my defence I have been posting here on a reasonably regular basis, and as my life is pretty much all about Gemma at the moment I didn't want to duplicate on this blog as well.

Today I managed to clean the living room though, without even having to stop once and rock, sway, feed, change, or otherwise entertain my daughter. I took her out in the Baby Bjorn this morning and when we got home she was so spark out I used the opportunity to get some stuff done. Feeling slightly more on top of things now she is 10 weeks (today!).

The other things that have made me feel a little more back to 'normal' (whatever normal is now) are: joining Twitter, which may or may not be a ridiculous thing to attempt, but at least tweeting or twittering or whatever makes a change from a) posting long entries here and b) updating my Facebook status on a regular basis with wholly baby-related posts. I elected to follow Stephen Fry, Phil Jupitus and Chris Moyles, as the celebrity Twitterers who I know about, but drew the line at Phillip Schofield. How do these celebs have time to post so much? Stephen Fry especially, while I do revere him utterly, must be a smidge annoying to be around, given that he must be surgically attached to his iPhone to be tweeting so much.

Some other normal things - am getting back into bookgroup mode with two books on the go, though whether I will have time to read them is another matter. The Mother and Baby group is reading the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, and the Wednesday evening group is on John Banville's The Untouchable. Neither of which I've started yet, ho hum. My knitting has picked up - am halfway through a little beanie hat for Gemma. And this week or next I want to get out and give the garden a good seeing to now that spring appears to have sprung in this part of the world.

Will try and post at least once a month from now on. In the meantime here's a gratuitous photo of our gorgeous and totally wonderful daughter living it up in the baby gym.