Martha and Tamsyn - their birth story

 Our girls are here! At 37 weeks and after a planned induction that was a little later than *actually* planned, they came into the world with relative ease and only a little fuss. If you're a man you might want to stop reading now, fingers in ears and 'lalalala' (or maybe not, there won't be too many graphic details!). Here is the birth story of Martha Alison Brown and Tamsyn Elaine Brown, born 22nd January 2012.

My induction was booked for Saturday 21st Jan, and I was asked to go to hospital the day before to be examined to see if they would start me off overnight. When we got there there were no beds on delivery suite due to a sudden influx of inconveniently labouring women, so they stuck me on a ward. No news the next morning or for the whole of Saturday, which was really disheartening as we had really geared ourselves up for it to happen that day. Luckily as the girls were pretty snug and happy where they were it wasn't urgent I was seen that day but it was a bit hard to take.

Anyway overnight on Saturday they finally took me down to the observation area next to the delivery suite and examined me, I was 1-2cm dilated and having pretty constant but pain-free tightenings, so they decided not to start the official process of gels and drips as they thought things might progress overnight. In the morning I was slightly more dilated to 2-3cm but no other change. The doctor decided to break my waters for me as she thought that would start me off and yes it did!

In the company of the lovely midwife Jenny who we were really lucky to have with us all day, my waters were broken at 10.40am and strong contractions started soon afterwards. By the time Jenny went for her lunch at around 1.30ish I was only 4cm dilated. Ali had been into Headington and brought the papers and a Starbucks latte for me and I had a spell on the rocking chair, reading the Observer magazine and sucking on the Entonox gas and air through contractions. I decided against an epidural as while the contractions were really long and painful, I was managing on the gas and air.

"Nothing will happen any time soon, you're not ready, so I'm off for my lunch" said Jenny, handing over to 2 other lovely midwives. Hmmm. By just after 2.15pm I was high as a kite on gas and air and contracting pretty permanently. "You're not ready to push yet!" "Oh yes I bloody am" and Martha made a pretty swift entry to the world at 2.47pm weighing 5lbs 5oz, and demonstrating excellent lung capacity with her screams. I was as shocked as anyone it had happened so quickly and there was immediately a team of paediatricians, doctors, midwives etc to look after her and focus on twin 2 who was preparing to make her way out.

Our second little lady caused a bit more bother - she turned around after Martha was born, still head down but now back to back so they lost her heartbeat. All of a sudden there were millions of people in the room, they broke the 2nd lot of waters and although scans showed her heartbeat and her moving, the team in the room became so concerned they got her out with forceps after giving me a local anaesthetic to numb some of the pain. However at the point they were about to wheel me to theatre (apparently - I was fairly oblivious to this due to a combination of absolute agony and gas and air) I pushed hard and out Tamsyn popped at 3.06pm.

After I'd delivered the placenta (Ali has pictures for those who are curious, it was fascinating to see it though pretty gruesome) and got stitched up (the doctor had to cut me as forceps were involved) I got to have skin to skin with the babies and Martha started to feed straight away, bless her. Tamsyn was a bit trickier and didn't really get the hang of it but we had great support from the lovely midwife Renata. I was in a room recovering by about 8pm.

We were all discharged home on the Tuesday after the birth on the Sunday, which in hindsight wasn't the best plan, as we were straight back in the next day after the girls were weighed by the community midwife and had lost more than 10% of their birthweight. We're in the JR fattening them up and they are doing brilliantly, so we hope to be out again at the weekend.

Overall the whole experience was very different to Gemma's birth which was far less 'managed'. I don't feel it was any the worse for that though, just different but still wonderful; and the team at the JR, once they got going with inducing me, were and continue to be amazingly professional, caring and supportive. Our 2 girls are here, safe and sound and that's what matters most. Their big sister is delighted with them and has been a little treasure over the past week while Mummy and the babies have been in hospital. Ali and I are so, so lucky!

Our lovely new girls

 

Tamsyn Elaine Brown

Proud big sister Gemma with Martha

Martha Alison Brown

36 weeks 1 day

Somewhat astoundingly I am still at home, waters intact, babies tucked away inside, and every day expecting to be on my way to the delivery suite at the JR. On the one hand this is brilliant - every day the girls are still here means less chance of them ending up in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) once they arrive and thus getting home quicker. All recent midwife and hospital check ups have revealed no complications or other issues; my iron levels which dropped low a couple of months ago have come back up a bit after taking supplements, and apart from some ankle/feet swelling I have no new symptoms other than being increasingly massive, unable to walk further than the end of our drive (which is not very far) and needing to wee all the time. Pretty typical end of pregnancy stuff really.




On the other hand, every day becomes more and more of a struggle especially from late afternoon onwards, occasionally through the night, and early mornings. During this time I am constantly on the alert for waters breaking or any pattern to the crampings and contractions I'm getting, so cannot relax at all. Luckily by mid morning, after breakfast and a shower, I don't feel as if my entire lower belly is about to just open up and drop both babies onto the floor, and as long as I sit for most of the day and don't overdo it, I'm generally OK-ish until about 4 or 5pm. So part of me would be quite happy if it all just happened now...



We had the last ultrasound scan last week, both girls are head down still, hooray! and twin 1 estimated to be 6lbs 1oz with the leading twin 2 around 5 and a half pounds though mostly fully engaged now in my pelvis. After a bit of a lengthy discussion with a clearly exhausted registrar (in lieu of Mr. Impey, the consultant we've seen a few times now) on inductions and methods of delivery, we agreed on a natural birth, didn't agree on epidurals (he was pro, I need to be a bit more convinced, but ultimately will do what is best for the babies) and also agreed on a planned induction should they not kick start things by themselves. So by the end of January we will definitely have our girls with us!



Gemma is mostly being very sweet about things, is a little unsettled and has started being a bit of a monkey at bedtimes but knows her sisters will be here soon.  Granny (my Mum) is here to stay now until the babies make an appearance which is a huge weight off my mind as it means no emergency calls to friends in the middle of the night and handing over a distressed 3 year old to be cared for while Mummy and Daddy are off to hospital.



So. The end is in sight. Now we just need to agree on some names ;o)

33 weeks 6 days

Made it, almost to the end of 2011. Here's hoping the spicy Chinese takeaway earlier doesn't spark any action and trigger the girls to come any earlier than they will anyway, though with any luck there won't be a 2011 and 2012 baby (one of the more awkward though perfectly feasible situations discussed recently).

Christmas Day bump cuddles (33 weeks)

Since posting last, we've had one more scan, one more consultant appointment, I've had the flu jab and met my new community midwife, and oh of course the minor matters of Christmas and Gemma's 3rd birthday. Sitting here on New Year's Eve it feels much like the least important of the occasions to be going through, though the last time we properly celebrated past midnight was actually 4 years ago, the New Year before I conceived Gemma. 

At the 32 (well, 31+4) week scan, we heard the welcome news that the breech girlie had turned and was head down, meaning both were cephalic (though she could well have flipped back again by now!). Size-wise, more chubbiness - this twin was measuring off the scale for some of her measurements, and estimated to be 4lbs 11oz, with the leading twin between 4 and 4 1/2 lbs (though precise measurements couldn't be got as her head was so far down). Yowsers. At my consultant appt a week later, he rubbished the idea that I would end up with a 9lb-er and an 8lb-er and agreed that I was probably a week further on than my official dates, meaning I have 2 'average' size babies inside me rather than 2 whoppers. Also means that he suggested inducing me at 37 weeks (when I would more likely be 38) which I am more than happy to go with.

It's all getting a bit tense, and that's not just my belly. Very frequent and uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions, lots of shooting pains very low down (possibly due to heads engaging) and I can barely walk anywhere now without the pressure and pain becoming too intense. A few days before Christmas I had an awful night of painful contractions lasting into the morning,  prompting the cancellation of a pregnancy massage (boo), a call to the midwife and a call to the delivery suite at the JR, though the latter merely generated a suggestion to take paracetamol and see how it went, as 'we're very busy today'. Erm, yeah but babies don't care how busy midwives are do they? Luckily a shower and a walk about eased things off but the consultant later that day told me to go straight in if it happened again. So now every twinge and pain and feeling of heaviness is a major worry :( but no major and urgent signs so far.

So we shall see what happens. At the very least we'll have our girls with us in a little over 3 weeks, but I wouldn't be in the least surprised if they decide to come earlier than that. January 2012 babies, anyway!

30 weeks

And measuring 38 weeks at the last midwife appointment last week. As you will see from the bump photo, there has been some significant growth. Oh yes indeed. We had a scan at 28 weeks and the girls are both, well, the sonographer's word of choice was 'chubby'. Twin 1, still breech, very high up under my ribcage and the cause of much back pain the little minx. She was 3lbs 3oz at the scan which is above average even for a singleton. Twin 2 is still head down bless her, and was 2lbs 12oz, still a good weight. So if they stay the same, and I don't think they have flipped round, I stand a good chance of delivering naturally (with twin 1 being breech birthed).

All gloom and doom a couple of weeks ago as well as I discovered the first stretch marks. I never got any when pregnant with Gemma and I didn't realistically expect to get away this time without them appearing, but it was still a bit depressing. I am trying to keep them at bay with Dr. Hauschka's Blackthorn Body Oil so hopefully they won't get too much worse.

Mostly symptoms are the same as 3 weeks ago, apart from the added new one of very strong and frequent Braxton Hicks contractions since the end of last week. Apparently it can be a sign of a urine infection so I'll be getting that checked out this week, but also with twins they do often occur a lot earlier and with a lot more intensity than single pregnancies. It's a very weird and odd feeling as well as being quite uncomfortable especially when they're coming every 10-15mins or so, but not like real labour. I am getting pregnancy massages every 1-2 weeks from the wonderful Bella at Eau De Vie in Oxford and they are wonderful, doing loads of good for my back and legs which are bearing the brunt of the added weight. I'm tempted to try the flotation tank next...

Other than that, we moved house 2 weeks ago. I'll probably get round to writing a post about that some time soon but headline news is that we don't plan to move ever again. And we DEFINITELY will not be moving house when I am 28 weeks pregnant with twins, or even pregnant at all. OH NO.

And finally - 5 days left to go at work, hooray!!!

27 weeks

Looking at the last post the thing that strikes me is the relatively compact bump size. Boy oh boy does that feel different now. At my last midwife appointment at 25 weeks 3 days, I was measuring 30 weeks, so now I reckon I'm closer to 33 weeks-ish in terms of singleton pregnancies. I have developed a very unflattering and highly uncomfortable pose when walking of thrusting the bump and hips forward in order to try and actually get from A to B, as I can't stand properly upright any more. Luckily I'm only seeing the physio if I feel I need to as I'm sure she would be horrified at what this back-arching waddle is doing to my posture - and it's certainly meaning a lot of aches and pains from early-mid afternoon onwards, all over the back, under the shoulder blades, all around the bump, hips, legs, you name it, it aches. Restless legs early evening onwards and occasionally even after I've gone to bed which is really horrendous. Heartburn ditto. Urine infection a couple of weeks ago and attendant cramping was equally rubbish. Grumpiness and general pissed off levels? Well what do you think?

On the plus side the mornings are mostly fine - whatever aches and pains and pressure the afternoon and evening bring, seem to drain away overnight (and after at least one middle of the night loo trip) and mean that until just after lunch I can function at work / home, not moan too much, and feel like things are actually not that bad. So having at least half the day feeling OK-ish is not a bad thing. I can still eat pretty large portions at mealtimes and am managing to combine nutrient-rich stuff with lots of treats, and only put the weight on the bump (so far 1st 9lbs weight gain) and miraculously so far no stretch marks (though my inny is very flat and on the verge of becoming an outy). No swelling of hands or feet, and my skin is pretty good and spot-free. It could be so much worse! And the girls are very active, lots of kicking and wriggling going on. Good news.

In other news, we have made the first twin related purchase - the double buggy + carrycots etc. We went for the over the top sounding TFK Twinner Twist Duo, after reading great online reviews and going to visit one of the UK's very few stockists in Bath one Saturday. It felt like a great buggy but still remains to be seen whether it will fit through the front door of the new house*...

I have also become a lot more nervous about spending time in hospital unexpectedly, after a woman on one of the Babycentre boards gave birth at 28 weeks - so some hospital bag purchases were made today (nighties and the like, and a few tiny baby sleepsuits) though there is still a lot to get.

I also made the decision to start my maternity leave earlier, as physically it is becoming a real strain to be at work and mentally I feel like I need at least some sort of break from the stresses and strains of everyday work life to focus on the family and the twins' arrival. Given that they could come pretty much any time (though very unlikely to come this early thank goodness!) I wanted to protect some time before the birth for a bit of sorting, planning, nesting and focussing on their big sister too. So 9th December is my last day at work for a year and my word it can't come soon enough. 4 weeks to go, whoop whoop!
* more of which in next post

23 weeks 5 days

Comparing pregnancies is starting to get a bit silly so I think after this post I'm going to stop referring to what it was like being pregnant with Gemma. Current bump size is about midway between 29 and 36 weeks size last time, I am 10st 4 lbs (20lbs heavier than when I got pregnant) which I think is about 2 lbs heavier than I reached when about to give birth last time! and symptoms, well, got the lot this time and had hardly any last time. So twinnies, you are truly unique.

One thing that is different, is the level of preparedness for the babies at this stage in the pregnancy. I'm sure last time we had made buggy and cot decisions, decided on monitors, and started making purchases. This time, nothing at all bar one slightly half-hearted visit to a local pram shop to look at double buggies. Part of this will be due to the fact we're shortly to move house, and there seems little point in buying a lot of new stuff we'll only have to pack up again into boxes and unpack when we move. In my head I am envisioning us, one week(ish) post-move, with a dedicated, fairly decent sized room for the twins, starting to really sort out existing things and make online purchases for new. If we move by the end of November (please, please let us get a completion date soon) that should give at least one month to plan for Christmas, Gemma's birthday and the twins' arrival, before January arrives and with it the very real likelihood of them coming earlier than their due date. If they come really early, before Christmas, well, at least they won't be naked, as they'll have all of Gemma's old stuff to wear, some of which might even be washed. But unless we pull our fingers out they won't have a whole lot else...

Of course work tends to have an inconvenient way of getting in the middle of my nice nesting plans, and currently I am going to be in the office right up until Christmas. However, the way I've been feeling (back and hips really sore and aching every afternoon and evening; broken sleep; wretched heartburn; feeling like my bump could literally explode with the pressure) I wouldn't rule out finishing a bit earlier. Unlike last time, where I left the office on my last day not knowing when or how I would be returning, I am pretty sure I will be back at Oxfam in a year's time (or in a day or so after I go on leave, as I'll be taking Gemma to and from nursery every day!) so my current work days are taken up with planning for 2012 to make sure my team are OK and I don't come back to more chaos than is necessary in 2013...

Next scan is at 28 weeks so we'll see the girls again and find out how they are growing. I had a cervical scan at 21 weeks which luckily showed my cervix to be of a normal length (if it had been short I would have been at risk of delivering the twins very prematurely) so as far as we know I am as low risk as you can get for a multiple pregnancy. Both girls are currently kicking away thanks to the berry smoothie I've just ingested, and I heard strong heartbeats at a recent doctor's appointment. As long as they are happy, I can put up with most discomforts. And luckily the very weepy stage seems to have abated a bit ;o)

20 weeks 3 days

Some good stuff and not so good over the past few weeks, but let's focus on the good first! We had our anomaly scan today, where the twins were very well behaved, lots of wriggling going on but they let us and the sonographer see all the important bits. All organs and limbs are developing really well, no issues or worries at all and both are around the same size and measuring well. They are around 370-380 grams each which is the right weight for babies of 20-21 weeks gestation so no wonder I feel so enormous - I have two normal size and weight babies inside me! Apparently after about 28 weeks they slow down a bit when they realise there isn't a lot of room any more...good job as with the rate they're going I will be toppling over every time I stand up by December.

the only one of two babies together - two heads (I think!)

baby 1 (head down, first out!)

baby 1 again - a great 3D shot

baby 2, breech, hopefully will turn later on!

And yes, we found out the sex, and we are having 2 more girls! Neither little lady was shy about showing off her lady bits so it was pretty clear in both cases. Now I need to find some way of staving off the inevitable onslaught of pink from now until teenage years. Gemma was a little underwhelmed when we told her - she interrupted us by saying she wanted a boy and a girl - so hopefully by the time they arrive she'll be well conditioned to accepting the fact that she'll get two little sisters.

It's such a relief to know that the babies are both doing well, that it's made the past few weeks a little easier to bear. I am currently signed off work for a week, the first time I think that's ever happened, due to the severe coccyx and back pain I'm getting on sitting, and also a horrendous cough and cold that's making the back pain worse. It doesn't help that half the time I blow my nose I end up with a nosebleed either. So the past few weeks I've been feeling very sorry for myself, very emotional and dissolving into tears frequently when feeling run down - which is pretty much every day after about 2-3pm. At a physio appointment yesterday I was so tearful the lovely therapist immediately made me a doctor's appointment for later in the day and virtually ordered me to take a week off work, which of course made me feel hideously guilty and start weeping again. Anyway hopefully after a few days of resting, getting rid of the cold  and not sitting at my desk hunched over email, I should be feeling a bit more chipper. And I also have a fetching belly-tubigrip type thing to wear, which may also help. So today is a great day for taking my mind off all this, and reminding me I have 2 lovely healthy, blossoming wee girlies growing inside me and how grateful I am for that! :)

17 weeks 4 days

On holiday for what is likely to be the last time before the babes arrive. On the plus side, we managed to cram all our packing into the boot of Ali's car - not even needing to split the rear seats and precariously balance things next to Gemma's car seat, or have all the foot wells brimful of stuff. Now Gemma is older, she doesn't need travel cot, bed guards, much in the way of food, or nappies any more - just clothes, toys and a few snacks. I reckon we could even have got away without the buggy this time as we have hardly used it since being away. This, I know, will be the one and only time we will travel this light, until, ooh, maybe 18 years time when Ali and I may possibly be allowed to go on hols by ourselves again?

We've had a lovely time in Padstow, even though the weather has been a bit iffy at times. Beach, Eden Project, ferry rides, a trip to a steam railway (Gemma's new favourite is Thomas the Tank Engine, though she still loves Peppa). On the down side, no cider for me (boo) and no trip on the bikes on the Camel Trail - Ali took Gemma out for the morning which gave me a chance to rest, but I would sooner have been out with them. This week's bump picture has me looking in a slightly better mood than the last one!

Bump-wise I am getting bigger and bigger. And bigger. Lots of things are aching, principally back (all over, upper and lower, but not coccyx as I haven't been sitting on hard chairs for long periods - NOT looking forward to going back to work for this reason); but also hips, and the bump itself is also getting a bit tight and hard and achy by the end of the day. No cravings but I am fast becoming a connoisseur of traditional 'fiery' ginger beers - so far the Crabbies non-alcoholic version is the leader though Luscombe Farm is also pretty good. I have also taken the opportunity while in Cornwall to feed the babies up on clotted cream fudge ;)

I'm definitely feeling movements, mostly from Thing 2 (the higher up twin) as he or she is not as deeply within me, but Thing 1 (lower down, deeper within my pelvis) is also now providing some distinct flutters. This is all very reassuring as when I went for my 16 week appointment with the (very nice, but very no-nonsense) midwife Diana, she could only find one heartbeat with the doppler. This apparently is not unusual with twins especially when one is more hidden away than the other, so she wasn't worried at all, especially as we heard some squealy noises that were pretty sure to be movements from Thing 1 - but until I felt him or her move myself, I was panicking a bit. Appointment with the consultant is next week and in 2 weeks we have the anomaly scan so will find out the sex then. Can't wait!

15 weeks

Well, 15 weeks is the official date, but as the larger of the two babes was measuring 5 days further on at the last scan, that's what I'm telling anyone who asks, which makes it slightly complicated. "Well, officially 15 weeks, but actually nearer to 16 weeks"and all this made even more surreal because from the expressions they have you can tell people are really expecting me to be about 5 months gone already. Looking at the first bump picture I posted when I was pregnant with Gemma, it's a whole other kettle of fish. I reckon I am slightly bigger than I was at almost 23 weeks before (see this post for ref...!) and on re-reading it, I can't believe there were still people then who didn't know I was pregnant at 5 months. No chance of that this time.


No new symptoms but I have a consultant appointment now, for a week before my anomaly scan. Googling the chap's name he appears to have done lots of very complicated and skilled surgery on women who are pregnant with multiples, and is a renowned expert in fetal medicine, so that has reassured us a lot. I trundled along to the midwife last week to ask a few questions and came away with the advice to take Floradix, a herbal liquid iron supplement, so chugging that before meals now. Back is aching, mostly coccyx pain but I should get a physio appointment soon. Other than that, no news to report other than the occasional flutters mentioned in the previous post, which are coming a little less frequently now. Can't wait for proper movement so I can guess whereabouts the little blighters are located!

13 weeks 1 day

Something is going on in my insides. I can't possibly be feeling any baby movements YET can I? I have only just had my lunch so am quite willing to believe that there is some radical digestive commotion happening beneath my ribcage but honestly, I am assuming it's to do with my little buns. Sweet now, maybe, but what if they are this active at 28 weeks? I will be forever jerking about and clasping my belly with firm hands in attempts to quell the obvious judderings. And I'll be getting even less sleep than I am now. Oh cripes....

Spot the difference

Well, a socking great bump for one.

Yes, at almost 13 weeks, I am pregnant again! with some significant differences to last time. I suppose first off is the fact I'm blogging it much earlier than with my pregnancy with Gemma, where I started writing at 15 weeks, but didn't put any posts live until after we'd had the anomaly scan at around 21 weeks. Having had a very early miscarriage before my successful pregnancy, I was a little paranoid that things wouldn't go to plan, so even though we started telling friends and family after the nuchal scan at 11 weeks, I held off from announcing anything online. I'd done quite a bit of research into baby stuff, pregnancy facts etc but hadn't yet started reading the wealth of parenting forums, mummy blogs, and online baby resource sites that there are out there. It seemed a bit weird to be talking about my expanding waistline with the ever present risk that I would have to blog about something not so nice in the event of things going wrong later down the line. So I waited.

This time, however, things are a bit different. I am a bit more open about sharing progress earlier on, having read some heart-wrenching but beautiful stories from other women and knowing that for every one of my friends and colleagues who has had a successful happy pregnancy there is likely to be one who has a sadder story to tell as well.

Also, as mentioned, there's a bit more to tell this time. Twice the amount, in fact. Yes, it is TWINS. TWO. DOUBLE THE FUN.

To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I don't think I have ever felt so absolutely at a loss before in my life, than I was at the moment the doctor moved the scanner over my belly, went 'ohh!' in a surprised voice, and confirmed there were two babies nestling in my womb. With no family history of twins, no fertility drugs or IVF, it wasn't a possibility that had even remotely occurred to me - at 10 weeks pregnant I was at the clinic to get my bloods taken prior to having a nuchal scan at 11.5 weeks, and expecting to have a quick dating scan to confirm the dates and check for a heartbeat. Prior to that moment my only concern had been to see a living being in there (ONE living being, that is) and not to find out I'd had a missed miscarriage.

So there's been some pretty radical readjusting going on in mine and Ali's head space over the past few weeks. It is of course amazing, wonderful news, both babies are currently fine and developing brilliantly and after the nuchal scan today we are a lot more reassured that things are progressing as well as they could be.

But it's also massively scary. A complete curveball for me, who had planned to do everything pretty much the same this time round. Easy pregnancy (hopefully), finish work about 3 or 4 weeks prior to due date, natural birth in the pool in the midwife unit, breastfeed as long as possible, cloth nappies, 9-12 months maternity leave etc etc. But now it's officially a high risk pregnancy, so no pool, no midwife unit, the chances are high they will come earlier therefore stopping work earlier, breastfeeding I am assured will be OK but a bit more challenging! and all the other considerations to come. Not to mention the need to move house asap and change the recently purchased Polo (OK for 2 car seats, limited boot space) for some kind of people carrier.

Symptoms wise it's been a whole lot rougher. Nausea in the afternoons and early evenings is thankfully tailing off now, but absolute bone-shaking tiredness has been present since about 5 or 6 weeks and shows no signs of abating. Spots, yuk. Stuffy nose I can't seem to get rid of. I feel starving all the time! And I am ALREADY enormous and in maternity clothes, whereas I didn't really start showing until about 17 or 18 weeks with Gemma.

So it'll be an interesting next 4, 5 or 6 months depending on how far I get before they decide to make an entry to the world. I'm going to try and do the same as before, which is blog how I am feeling physically, mentally and emotionally throughout the pregnancy. I am 100% sure that after two little ones arrive there won't be time to do more than track their progress along similar lines to what we've done for Gemma. So I feel it's important to have this space to detail some of the journey towards their arrival. Hopefully future posts will be a little more succinct without sounding quite so freaked out by it all!