Is this really me?

Just read a couple of blog posts from mums relating to Mother's Day and how odd it feels to describe themselves as mothers, especially if they are experiencing the day with this status for the first time. I have to say I totally agree. Sometimes it seems as if Gemma is too beautiful and amazing to have been produced by such juveniles as Ali and myself - and yes though I am (hem) 35 I do still feel like a child sometimes. I certainly don't feel a huge amount older than I did at, say, 20, just with more experiences under my belt and a few lines round the eyes (but not a single grey hair yet, astoundingly enough).

It feels like we're settling into some sort of a routine at least, even though I still wake up most days with a mild tinge of panic around me of the 'what are we going to do today' variety. As someone who previously lived her life in a very orderly, structured way, even in so far as getting on the same train seat every day, it is often a very weird feeling to have nothing really planned. And so those lunches with friends, even if invariably eaten cold and one-handed; or the spontaneous walk by the river; or even the postnatal fitness class we're going to today, are all welcome distractions from the slightly fraudulent thoughts running through my head on a daily basis.

Mother's Day was quite nice though. A stunning bouquet of flowers and a very sweet card from Gemma (with a little help from Daddy, though charmingly with the threat of taking the money from her child trust fund account to pay for them. I assume this was a joke) and a day to potter in the garden and sort out all Gemma's clothes, while Ali babysat in between feeds. Not the most self-indulgent or pampering day perhaps, but it'll certainly do for now.