Hunkering down

It's chucking down outside and blowing a gale as I type this. The leaves are mostly all off the trees and clumping themselves in unsightly damp piles all over the garden, which needs a thorough sorting out before the winter months really kick in. I'm sure it should definitely be mulled wine season pretty damn soon. So before we get too entrenched in the gloom and energised by festive preparations, Martha and Tamsyn's 10 month birthday seems a good point to jot down a few, erm, jottings.

first time in the bath together!

 Since I last posted they have obviously developed loads, so much so that I hope I don't miss anything out! Both are now very active - Martha, who started rolling at about 5 months, has not moved on much although can now do a commando style crawl to inch by inch get to that toy she's desperate to gum on. She's pretty stable at sitting now too. And last weekend Granny Linda taught her how to clap which is very adorable to watch! Tamsyn was a late roller but once she got the hang of it she was off all over the place. She sat stably earlier than Martha and started crawling backwards at about 8 months, now can commando crawl and get to sitting from lying down, and has in the last few days just about got the hang of proper crawling forwards. She's not a clapper though.

cheeky Martha

They are both into everything. Gemma never seemed bothered about getting into dangerous places, tight corners, dangling cables, underneath the sofa / bookcase / table etc but these two are both menaces. Our blase "we probably don't need to childproof anything" attitude has become a bit more along the lines of "we really need to move those surround sound speakers before they get broken"... Tamsyn loves to be near the radiator or underneath the sofa. Martha likes to grab at stuff, so laptop cables, our specs etc are all fair game.

I haven't had them weighed since they were about 6 and a half months, and just established on solid food. Martha was still on 9th centile at that point but bruiser Tamsyn, who wasn't moving about much then, had jumped from 25th to between 50th and 75th. I think she has probably come down again now and both seem chubby enough though Martha is still the petite one.

Tamsyn has the only 2 teeth (bottom) between the two of them that she cut at 7 months. Martha goes through dribbly hand munching stages and you can just see a hint of her bottom teeth underneath the gum but so far nothing. I wish they'd get a move on.

Their eating patterns are fairly well established now. They both eat well, though neither is a big fan of fish and Tamsyn seems to hate anything with obvious lumpy bits like rice or bigger bits of pasta. She's also got an incredibly annoying habit of spitting straight out again whatever spoonful of food you manage to get in but will always, surprise surprise, eat pudding. Martha is easy to please and eats anything if she's hungry. They both do finger food ok, both like Marmite (hooray!) and Martha loves to chomp on bits of veg such as  broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage etc. They are on 2 'official' breastfeeds a day - early morning and bedtime. Early morning can mean 5am though :( and over the last few months I have fed at quite a few other times in addition. Neither twin is taking to formula out of a cup well at all and neither will do bottles. I am persevering with a mid afternoon cup of milk but hardly any gets drunk.

Both went through some kind of developmental / growth spurt between 7.5 and 9.5 months. With Tamsyn she just started to wake very early in the mornings - some days 4am but mostly around 5ish. With Martha it was a whole lot worse - she was waking anything from 1-4 times a night and not settling to sleep again without a breastfeed. During the day she was as happy as could be, daytime naps were always fine, but at night the demons came out and she was very difficult for a while. She then seemed to slowly be coming out of it, had a few good nights in a row, and BAM we got hit with bronchiolitis last week. Cue high temperatures, streaming cold symptoms, hacking cough and most worryingly, fast shallow breathing with a very crackly chest. Martha had it first - so any sleep improvement went straight out of the window. Then as it's contagious, Tamsyn got it too and is currently in the middle of it. One day I will sleep again. One day... Luckily both ate and drank well all through being ill, so no major cause for concern other than 2 massively grumpy babies day and night.

Swimming has been appalling. Both have separation anxiety so will not go to the other instructor in the pool without screaming. Generally most classes are a cacophony of twin yells. However if one is ill and I manage to get to the class with just the other, it goes ok, they are both good little swimmers and it's not the water they dislike, just being away from me. Fingers crossed time will sort this out.

our big girl

Speaking of time, it is a mere few weeks until I am back at work, 3 days a week from January 2nd until Easter and 4 days after then. We have hired a nanny, Liz, who will come here Monday - Thursday to look after the twins and Gemma, and (most excitingly from my perspective) do all their laundry!! and lots of other stuff too obviously. Gemma is in preschool sessions on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons at Wantage C of E primary school, and still goes to the Oxfam nursery all day on Mondays and Thursdays. She has developed too over the last 3 or 4 months, not only in her growth (she now looks very grown up in a pair of skinny jeans and seems sooo big :( ) but also in her attitude and behaviour. Since about September she's become slightly less clingy and whiny when separated from me or in new situations, and the entry to preschool has actually gone amazingly well. She is sometimes a bit tearful at drop off but her enthusiasm is clear from her happy abundant energy when I pick her up. She is talking about some of her new friends there (she's been going 3 weeks now) and seems to be responding well to the staff. Her ability in reading, writing, and drawing is coming on fantastically, she can write her own full name as well as Mummy, Daddy, Ellen and a few other words, and if you spell other words out for her she writes those too. She's coming up to her 4th birthday and we are currently planning a party for her, though I am trying desperately to head off any princess theme...

among the flowers at Eden Project

Bit of a massive update this one, with 4 months to cram in. Hopefully the next one, likely to be at the first birthday, won't be quite as lengthy. Maybe we will one day get round to re-creating lefthandedmonkey.com and loading up all the photos we've taken this year too! (the ones here were taken on a family holiday to Padstow in September - the twins were 8 months)

Happy half-birthday!

6 months ago I was a lot more physically uncomfortable than I am now, sat on our deck on a squishy beanbag chair, sipping a glass of red as the sun (YES! the sun!!) goes down, hearing the soft thwack of tennis balls from the club down the road. Our two littlest girls had made their entrance to the world, and I had just had a shower and been wheeled upstairs with them to our single room on the maternity ward, where I was to experience my first night as a mother of twins.

We've been having technical difficulties with lefthandedmonkey.com, in that Apple have decommissioned the Mobile Me platform we were using to publish on. So until we can get our arses in gear and export all the content and thousands of photos we'd got on that site to a new one, my trusty old blog will have to do to mark the half birthday of Martha and Tamsyn.

Progress over the last few months, then. Since last posting, they have come on amazingly, though in some areas not as fast as their big sister Gemma. Martha has been rolling for about a month now - mostly from back to tummy, where she'll pop her little head up and look around for applause, give a cheeky smile and then stay like that until she does a face plant and starts getting distressed. A recent development is the pushing of the legs and scrabbling of the arms - possibly a pre-cursor to crawling? Tamsyn is a lazy bugger and swings her legs around a bit, arches her back a little, but ultimately is content to lie around on her back unless one of us moves her to tummy. Then she'll tolerate it for a while before getting annoyed. She absolutely adores the Jumperoo though!

At 4.5-5 months we had a bit of sleep regression - they were only waking up once a night for a feed but then regressed to twice or even three times. Not great. Since weaning though they have gone back to once a night, thank goodness, and it can be pretty late on, hooray! Daytime naps are down to 2 or 3 - once after breakfast (either in the car or at home); maybe one other one before lunch; and one after lunch. After 4pm they will rarely nap unless a 20min one in the car when I pick Gemma up from nursery. They are still going down really well at night, almost always asleep by 7.30pm.

Solids have gone down pretty well - after a week or so of tongue thrusting and face-screwing, Tamsyn has become a baby-hoover and will scoff pretty much anything on a spoon. She's also doing pretty well at sipping water from a cup. Martha has had a few blips, but technique is coming on, she eats fairly well (though not as much as her sister) and can also sip from a cup. They're on fruit, veg, porridge etc though the introduction of a weetabix the other day went down *very* well (Tamsyn was panting eagerly between each mouthful) and they can also tolerate fromage frais, yogurt etc. A big relief as Gemma was dairy intolerant until 12 months which involved a lot of faffing about with soy products.

A few weeks ago Martha was poorly, a very high temperature for 3 days that wasn't being brought down by Calpol, GP couldn't find any obvious cause, and after the temperature went away we had reflux for a few days - so she has built back up to solids again gradually. However she seems to enjoy it and I'll be introducing a bit of protein soon and maybe some finger foods. They will both gum on a bit of broccoli or melon held in their mouths but seem to have no idea what to do when you give them a bit of food to hold. Gemma was 6 months when I started weaning her though so a bit older than the twins, so I'm taking it all a bit more slowly.

Both have a large variety of sounds now. Tamsyn has recently started waking in the night to have a chat. All very sweet, and I don't need to get out of bed, but she is bloomin' LOUD on the monitor... Size-wise Martha is still petite, Tamsyn comparatively a bruiser, although still only as big as Gemma was at the same age. They wear a mix of 3-6m and 6-9m clothes. Until weaning they were tracking their centiles on breastfeeding alone, something I am really pleased about. I think Tamsyn may have surged ahead recently though given the amount of food she's ingesting... They are now in the pushchair bit of the buggy which they seem to enjoy, and they don't even look too tiny in it. I am no longer a celebrity in Wantage for the car-seat/buggy contraption I was wheeling about, just a normal double buggy now!

Swimming has been a bit mixed. Martha has mostly enjoyed it, whereas Tamsyn screamed all the way through most of the classes until the very last one of term where she had an about turn and was as chilled as you like. We're booked into the next term so fingers crossed. 

I'm still breastfeeding them both, and they haven't had a bottle for a long time now. Initial attempts to get water down them at mealtimes in a bottle have failed miserably so it looks like it is just me and my boobs for milk supply for now - but I do want to get them to take a bottle again soonish so I have the option to have a half day off at some point. It's coming to something when mowing the lawn on a Sunday afternoon is classed as 'me-time' eh...?

What else. Well, they are both GORGEOUS :)

Jumperoo!

Martha

Martha enjoys a quick snack in the supermarket ;o)

Tamsyn

Three gorgeous girls :o)

Where does the time go?

OK a gap of a couple of months between posts is probably acceptable since we're dealing with baby twin girls as well as a particularly sprightly Gemma at the moment. But I do feel a little sad, as when Gemma was a baby I was pretty good at posting her milestones and what we'd been up to on a regular basis. We have now updated lefthandedmonkey.com with new photos and a slight re-jig given that we now have 3 gorgeous daughters to take pictures of, but blogging has kind of fallen by the wayside a little.

Tamsyn left, Martha right; at 14 and a half weeks

So what have we been up to? Well, Martha and Tamsyn are now 15 weeks old, 3 and a half months and little wonders. At last weigh in Martha was 11lbs 4oz and Tamsyn 12lbs 6oz, Martha tracking just over the 9th centile and Tamsyn just over the 25th. At 14.5 weeks Gemma was 12lbs 7oz so in terms of weight Tamsyn is very similar and has the same chunky thighs too. I also think she's going to have curly hair like Gemma, although it's a little early to tell. She has gorgeous large deep blue eyes like Gemma too. Martha on the other hand although more petite has more of the facial expressions Gemma had. She has poker straight hair, very sticky-up especially after a bath, and lots of cheeky looks. She'll look you straight in the eye and I'd swear she is thinking up no end of tricks to play on us when she's older. Tamsyn is mostly in 3-6 month clothes now whereas Martha is still making use of the 0-3month ones. It makes for a chock-full wardrobe and mountains of laundry... They are both in cloth nappies too, a mix of TotsBots and Bumgenius, and are getting on brilliantly with them.

It's been lovely to see the girls develop over the last few months and while things are still very full on, we have got into some sort of routine. They are exclusively breastfed (tandem, rugby ball style!) now, and are very efficient at it, so feeds are very quick. They are 3 hourly during the day and anything from 3.5 hrs to 7 hrs at night - the bedtime feed is around 7pm after which I settle them in their cot (they are in together, top to tail after Martha's restless flailing around tended to hit Tamsyn in the face and wake her up. Martha screaming blue murder doesn't seem to rouse her though, bless her).  Then they go a bit longer and tend to wake around midnight-ish and again at 4ish, though each night is slightly different. During the day, after nursery run in the morning I will either leg it back home for the next feed or feed them singly out and about. Then it will depend on what we have on and whether Ali is picking Gemma up or not, as to what we do during the day. They'll nap sporadically, always in the car on the way to nursery, generally more in the morning than the afternoon, and mostly always a small catnap at least between feeds, though occasionally one or both will be awake from feed to feed.

They've been in the same cot since about 8 weeks old - we moved them out of the same moses basket at about 4-5 weeks old, and by 8 weeks they were starting to look a bit too snug even in separate baskets. Sleeping together or apart was one of the areas I was most anxious about before they were born but actually they settled equally well in either case and are currently fine apart during the day (mostly in car seats / pram / bouncy chairs) or together at night. Reading Gemma's blog from around the same age there is a lot they have in common, and I don't think we can expect any sleep miracles at night any time soon. Both girls are OK with being on their tummies, whereas Gemma hated it - but we haven't tried either in a door bouncer yet, as their heads, Martha's especially, are not quite as stable as Gemma's seems to have been at 14 weeks. Daytime sleeping patterns are fairly similar as is the fist sucking and early teething drool...

Personality wise, Tamsyn seems to be a sweet one and Martha a cheeky madam. Martha will scream at night times or whenever she thinks no-one is paying her any attention,  but calm down as soon as you lift her up. She loves to be on the move and if you hold her so she's looking over your shoulder and walk around a bit she will almost always instantly calm down from whatever paddy she's in. She's got a very knowing look in her eyes and an absolutely gorgeous big grin when she sees you. She'll coo and burble adorably too. Tamsyn is lovely, you can get a lot more smiles out of her just by talking to her and she loves being sung to. She settles wonderfully at night, after a feed I can just plonk her down in the cot wide awake and she'll chew on her hand for a bit before going to sleep, unlike her bigger sister who needs a lot more cosseting to go to sleep. Tamsyn also gurgles a lot. She does unfortunately seem to have more wind problems than Martha, maybe due to the fact that her tummy is huge, so sometimes is very screamy at the bedtime feed. She also loves being in her bouncy chair and the look of fierce concentration on her face as she strains to reach a little toy to bat is hilarious. She will totally go for it on a playmat too, kicking and waving her arms around like anything.

Gemma has been very up and down, though in the last week or two seems to have settled a bit more. We were so impressed with how good she was when I was in hospital and immediately afterwards, and she has taken to her sisters so well - she clearly adores them and nursery tell us her role play is all about mummies and babies and the babies are all called Martha and Tamsyn :) However since Easter week she has given us some very whingy, tantrummy days and bedtimes have regressed to the pattern we had 12 months ago - we have to stay in the room with her until she falls asleep at night, and she is waking one or two times at night too. She has now officially dropped her daytime nap and that was hideous for a week or so but her body clock seems to have adjusted now. We're not sure if it's terrible threes or delayed jealousy but I am trying to have more one on one time with her and not tell her off so much - hard when she's being a right little b*gger or when she's being rather too boisterous around her sisters. Hopefully she'll even out soon. She loves being on her new buggy board and I have become something of a celebrity around Wantage for the two carseat and buggy board combination on the buggy, as it is bloody huge. Can't wait until the girls are big enough for the buggy seats to be attached.

Reading lefthandedmonkey again over the past few days I think updates like this will happen there in future - mostly baby and milestone related rather than stuff about me. I may or may not update here too - past experience leads me to think those posts will be few and far between - but we'll see.

One month on...

A little belated as they are over 5 weeks now, but in lieu of a proper website update to lefthandedmonkey.com (which now needs a bit of an overhaul in light of the two new monkeys in the family) I wanted to get a few memories down for Martha and Tamsyn before I forget. Also Gemma's blog has taken a bit of a break recently so we'll be thinking about how best to capture all the goings on in our newly extended family!
At some point we'll also be updating the website with all the pics we've taken so far but to whet your appetite here's a few to break up the long post of baby stuff...

a few days before the birth. Gemma has a sympathy dolly bump...

So they have been with us more than a month now, and the progress they've made in that time is amazing. When I last wrote we were still in the JR, they had put on weight but were very much skinny minnies still and the feeding regime the paediatrician had put them on was ruling our lives. I was expressing constantly in order to build my supply of milk up, and they were having most feeds of expressed milk or occasional formula out of a bottle with very infrequent breastfeeds. We came home and things weren't much different for a few days, but we were really heartened when they were able to be discharged by the community midwife after a week to the health visitor as they had put on lots of weight. All the community midwives we saw dispensed a lot of common sense advice and a visit to the breastfeeding clinic was also a great help. One thing I learned quite quickly was to try and forget how things had been three years ago with Gemma, who was a natural breastfeeder and whose weight I never had to worry about. I don't think she even had a bottle at all until about 6 weeks. With twins it's a whole different kettle of fish and Martha and Tamsyn have both adapted to the bottle / boob transition in different ways. Martha who was a natural suckler from birth has become a bit more hit and miss and will be on and off faffing about for ages, quicker than Tamsyn at a feed but a bit more, shall we say, frantic for it. And Tamsyn has progressed from being rubbish at latching on, to settling down for a good feed each time. Over the past week they have become very good at tandem feeding, which is saving loads of time and means I can do the night feeds by myself. Last night I was feeding, changing and back in bed within 45 minutes which was excellent. They are keeping to a 3hr feed schedule still so hopefully will start to go a bit longer especially at night soon!

one of the 2 best days of our lives :)

At their last weigh ins, they recorded 6lbs 5oz (Martha) and 7lbs 5oz (Tamsyn) and this was at 3 and a half weeks, so I expect them to be a lot heavier at the clinic tomorrow. They certainly feel hefty and both are out of tiny baby and newborn clothes, Tamsyn because she's big, Martha because she seems to have incredibly long arms...

Tamsyn enjoying her first bath!

Today we were at the Nuffield Hospital for hip scans as Tamsyn was breech until 32 weeks, and also because of the multiple birth. Tamsyn's hips are a bit immature and there is still cartilage where bone should have formed by now, so we'll be back for another scan in 6 weeks. Martha has a bit of a flat head on her right as she naturally turns to the right when sleeping so we came away with a leaflet on how to correct this by positioning for feeds, tummy time, sleeping etc. Overall they are fine though, nothing to worry about and no real health issues. Evenings can be a bit of a trial as this seems to be when they are most awake - Martha in particular went through a bit of a growth spurt / feeding frenzy about a week to 10 days ago which was very hard as Tamsyn wasn't participating in the whole hourly feed thing and they went very out of sync. Luckily it only lasted 2 or 3 days. Phew.

Martha wasn't so sure

Both are now a lot more awake and alert during the day although Martha favours waking early before a feed, and Tamsyn is the more alert straight afterwards, normally having to be woken so I can feed both at the same time. A recent development is Martha wanting to be held after a feed so I have taken to wearing her in the Baby Bjorn sling around the house until she drops off, just so I can get something done! They are both using their hands a lot to explore, suck their fingers a lot (please, please let the thumbs be found soon so we can get rid of the dummies) and seem to like looking intently at the black and white contrast images next to their changing station.

Tamsyn looking angelic

All in all they're pretty good, the three hourly feed schedule bearable and the odd 4 or 5 hour reprieve at night very welcome...

Sleeping beauties

Gemma has been up and down since they came home. Mostly she is loving being a big sister and relishes the role of little helper, especially at bath times or when she's asked to fetch and carry stuff. She is very confident going up and down the stairs by herself now which makes things easier ;o)

Martha wide awake

However after the initial week at home, where she was fairly quiet but still very well behaved, we've had a few more tantrums and tears and a lot of attention seeking which was only to be expected I guess. Bedtimes have occasionally been a trial and we have had to get quite stern with her after traipsing up and down the stairs for yet another imaginary ailment or toilet trip "do you REALLY need another poo?". However in the past week, as the twins' routine has settled down a bit, so has Gemma and she seems a bit more accepting of the fact that her morning and evening / bedtime routines now involve Mummy feeding the babies most of the time. We are trying to spend quality time with her at weekends and when I'm not feeding I try and be with her as much as possible. She's actually been really good considering. Though has cottoned onto the fact that the loads of presents the twins have received quite often come with a big sister present attached...

To those who have been really generous and sent presents and cards, thank you so much and we'll be sending out thank you notes soon. Life with twins is certainly more than twice the work but so incredibly rewarding!

Martha and Tamsyn - their birth story

 Our girls are here! At 37 weeks and after a planned induction that was a little later than *actually* planned, they came into the world with relative ease and only a little fuss. If you're a man you might want to stop reading now, fingers in ears and 'lalalala' (or maybe not, there won't be too many graphic details!). Here is the birth story of Martha Alison Brown and Tamsyn Elaine Brown, born 22nd January 2012.

My induction was booked for Saturday 21st Jan, and I was asked to go to hospital the day before to be examined to see if they would start me off overnight. When we got there there were no beds on delivery suite due to a sudden influx of inconveniently labouring women, so they stuck me on a ward. No news the next morning or for the whole of Saturday, which was really disheartening as we had really geared ourselves up for it to happen that day. Luckily as the girls were pretty snug and happy where they were it wasn't urgent I was seen that day but it was a bit hard to take.

Anyway overnight on Saturday they finally took me down to the observation area next to the delivery suite and examined me, I was 1-2cm dilated and having pretty constant but pain-free tightenings, so they decided not to start the official process of gels and drips as they thought things might progress overnight. In the morning I was slightly more dilated to 2-3cm but no other change. The doctor decided to break my waters for me as she thought that would start me off and yes it did!

In the company of the lovely midwife Jenny who we were really lucky to have with us all day, my waters were broken at 10.40am and strong contractions started soon afterwards. By the time Jenny went for her lunch at around 1.30ish I was only 4cm dilated. Ali had been into Headington and brought the papers and a Starbucks latte for me and I had a spell on the rocking chair, reading the Observer magazine and sucking on the Entonox gas and air through contractions. I decided against an epidural as while the contractions were really long and painful, I was managing on the gas and air.

"Nothing will happen any time soon, you're not ready, so I'm off for my lunch" said Jenny, handing over to 2 other lovely midwives. Hmmm. By just after 2.15pm I was high as a kite on gas and air and contracting pretty permanently. "You're not ready to push yet!" "Oh yes I bloody am" and Martha made a pretty swift entry to the world at 2.47pm weighing 5lbs 5oz, and demonstrating excellent lung capacity with her screams. I was as shocked as anyone it had happened so quickly and there was immediately a team of paediatricians, doctors, midwives etc to look after her and focus on twin 2 who was preparing to make her way out.

Our second little lady caused a bit more bother - she turned around after Martha was born, still head down but now back to back so they lost her heartbeat. All of a sudden there were millions of people in the room, they broke the 2nd lot of waters and although scans showed her heartbeat and her moving, the team in the room became so concerned they got her out with forceps after giving me a local anaesthetic to numb some of the pain. However at the point they were about to wheel me to theatre (apparently - I was fairly oblivious to this due to a combination of absolute agony and gas and air) I pushed hard and out Tamsyn popped at 3.06pm.

After I'd delivered the placenta (Ali has pictures for those who are curious, it was fascinating to see it though pretty gruesome) and got stitched up (the doctor had to cut me as forceps were involved) I got to have skin to skin with the babies and Martha started to feed straight away, bless her. Tamsyn was a bit trickier and didn't really get the hang of it but we had great support from the lovely midwife Renata. I was in a room recovering by about 8pm.

We were all discharged home on the Tuesday after the birth on the Sunday, which in hindsight wasn't the best plan, as we were straight back in the next day after the girls were weighed by the community midwife and had lost more than 10% of their birthweight. We're in the JR fattening them up and they are doing brilliantly, so we hope to be out again at the weekend.

Overall the whole experience was very different to Gemma's birth which was far less 'managed'. I don't feel it was any the worse for that though, just different but still wonderful; and the team at the JR, once they got going with inducing me, were and continue to be amazingly professional, caring and supportive. Our 2 girls are here, safe and sound and that's what matters most. Their big sister is delighted with them and has been a little treasure over the past week while Mummy and the babies have been in hospital. Ali and I are so, so lucky!

Our lovely new girls

 

Tamsyn Elaine Brown

Proud big sister Gemma with Martha

Martha Alison Brown

36 weeks 1 day

Somewhat astoundingly I am still at home, waters intact, babies tucked away inside, and every day expecting to be on my way to the delivery suite at the JR. On the one hand this is brilliant - every day the girls are still here means less chance of them ending up in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) once they arrive and thus getting home quicker. All recent midwife and hospital check ups have revealed no complications or other issues; my iron levels which dropped low a couple of months ago have come back up a bit after taking supplements, and apart from some ankle/feet swelling I have no new symptoms other than being increasingly massive, unable to walk further than the end of our drive (which is not very far) and needing to wee all the time. Pretty typical end of pregnancy stuff really.




On the other hand, every day becomes more and more of a struggle especially from late afternoon onwards, occasionally through the night, and early mornings. During this time I am constantly on the alert for waters breaking or any pattern to the crampings and contractions I'm getting, so cannot relax at all. Luckily by mid morning, after breakfast and a shower, I don't feel as if my entire lower belly is about to just open up and drop both babies onto the floor, and as long as I sit for most of the day and don't overdo it, I'm generally OK-ish until about 4 or 5pm. So part of me would be quite happy if it all just happened now...



We had the last ultrasound scan last week, both girls are head down still, hooray! and twin 1 estimated to be 6lbs 1oz with the leading twin 2 around 5 and a half pounds though mostly fully engaged now in my pelvis. After a bit of a lengthy discussion with a clearly exhausted registrar (in lieu of Mr. Impey, the consultant we've seen a few times now) on inductions and methods of delivery, we agreed on a natural birth, didn't agree on epidurals (he was pro, I need to be a bit more convinced, but ultimately will do what is best for the babies) and also agreed on a planned induction should they not kick start things by themselves. So by the end of January we will definitely have our girls with us!



Gemma is mostly being very sweet about things, is a little unsettled and has started being a bit of a monkey at bedtimes but knows her sisters will be here soon.  Granny (my Mum) is here to stay now until the babies make an appearance which is a huge weight off my mind as it means no emergency calls to friends in the middle of the night and handing over a distressed 3 year old to be cared for while Mummy and Daddy are off to hospital.



So. The end is in sight. Now we just need to agree on some names ;o)

33 weeks 6 days

Made it, almost to the end of 2011. Here's hoping the spicy Chinese takeaway earlier doesn't spark any action and trigger the girls to come any earlier than they will anyway, though with any luck there won't be a 2011 and 2012 baby (one of the more awkward though perfectly feasible situations discussed recently).

Christmas Day bump cuddles (33 weeks)

Since posting last, we've had one more scan, one more consultant appointment, I've had the flu jab and met my new community midwife, and oh of course the minor matters of Christmas and Gemma's 3rd birthday. Sitting here on New Year's Eve it feels much like the least important of the occasions to be going through, though the last time we properly celebrated past midnight was actually 4 years ago, the New Year before I conceived Gemma. 

At the 32 (well, 31+4) week scan, we heard the welcome news that the breech girlie had turned and was head down, meaning both were cephalic (though she could well have flipped back again by now!). Size-wise, more chubbiness - this twin was measuring off the scale for some of her measurements, and estimated to be 4lbs 11oz, with the leading twin between 4 and 4 1/2 lbs (though precise measurements couldn't be got as her head was so far down). Yowsers. At my consultant appt a week later, he rubbished the idea that I would end up with a 9lb-er and an 8lb-er and agreed that I was probably a week further on than my official dates, meaning I have 2 'average' size babies inside me rather than 2 whoppers. Also means that he suggested inducing me at 37 weeks (when I would more likely be 38) which I am more than happy to go with.

It's all getting a bit tense, and that's not just my belly. Very frequent and uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions, lots of shooting pains very low down (possibly due to heads engaging) and I can barely walk anywhere now without the pressure and pain becoming too intense. A few days before Christmas I had an awful night of painful contractions lasting into the morning,  prompting the cancellation of a pregnancy massage (boo), a call to the midwife and a call to the delivery suite at the JR, though the latter merely generated a suggestion to take paracetamol and see how it went, as 'we're very busy today'. Erm, yeah but babies don't care how busy midwives are do they? Luckily a shower and a walk about eased things off but the consultant later that day told me to go straight in if it happened again. So now every twinge and pain and feeling of heaviness is a major worry :( but no major and urgent signs so far.

So we shall see what happens. At the very least we'll have our girls with us in a little over 3 weeks, but I wouldn't be in the least surprised if they decide to come earlier than that. January 2012 babies, anyway!

30 weeks

And measuring 38 weeks at the last midwife appointment last week. As you will see from the bump photo, there has been some significant growth. Oh yes indeed. We had a scan at 28 weeks and the girls are both, well, the sonographer's word of choice was 'chubby'. Twin 1, still breech, very high up under my ribcage and the cause of much back pain the little minx. She was 3lbs 3oz at the scan which is above average even for a singleton. Twin 2 is still head down bless her, and was 2lbs 12oz, still a good weight. So if they stay the same, and I don't think they have flipped round, I stand a good chance of delivering naturally (with twin 1 being breech birthed).

All gloom and doom a couple of weeks ago as well as I discovered the first stretch marks. I never got any when pregnant with Gemma and I didn't realistically expect to get away this time without them appearing, but it was still a bit depressing. I am trying to keep them at bay with Dr. Hauschka's Blackthorn Body Oil so hopefully they won't get too much worse.

Mostly symptoms are the same as 3 weeks ago, apart from the added new one of very strong and frequent Braxton Hicks contractions since the end of last week. Apparently it can be a sign of a urine infection so I'll be getting that checked out this week, but also with twins they do often occur a lot earlier and with a lot more intensity than single pregnancies. It's a very weird and odd feeling as well as being quite uncomfortable especially when they're coming every 10-15mins or so, but not like real labour. I am getting pregnancy massages every 1-2 weeks from the wonderful Bella at Eau De Vie in Oxford and they are wonderful, doing loads of good for my back and legs which are bearing the brunt of the added weight. I'm tempted to try the flotation tank next...

Other than that, we moved house 2 weeks ago. I'll probably get round to writing a post about that some time soon but headline news is that we don't plan to move ever again. And we DEFINITELY will not be moving house when I am 28 weeks pregnant with twins, or even pregnant at all. OH NO.

And finally - 5 days left to go at work, hooray!!!

27 weeks

Looking at the last post the thing that strikes me is the relatively compact bump size. Boy oh boy does that feel different now. At my last midwife appointment at 25 weeks 3 days, I was measuring 30 weeks, so now I reckon I'm closer to 33 weeks-ish in terms of singleton pregnancies. I have developed a very unflattering and highly uncomfortable pose when walking of thrusting the bump and hips forward in order to try and actually get from A to B, as I can't stand properly upright any more. Luckily I'm only seeing the physio if I feel I need to as I'm sure she would be horrified at what this back-arching waddle is doing to my posture - and it's certainly meaning a lot of aches and pains from early-mid afternoon onwards, all over the back, under the shoulder blades, all around the bump, hips, legs, you name it, it aches. Restless legs early evening onwards and occasionally even after I've gone to bed which is really horrendous. Heartburn ditto. Urine infection a couple of weeks ago and attendant cramping was equally rubbish. Grumpiness and general pissed off levels? Well what do you think?

On the plus side the mornings are mostly fine - whatever aches and pains and pressure the afternoon and evening bring, seem to drain away overnight (and after at least one middle of the night loo trip) and mean that until just after lunch I can function at work / home, not moan too much, and feel like things are actually not that bad. So having at least half the day feeling OK-ish is not a bad thing. I can still eat pretty large portions at mealtimes and am managing to combine nutrient-rich stuff with lots of treats, and only put the weight on the bump (so far 1st 9lbs weight gain) and miraculously so far no stretch marks (though my inny is very flat and on the verge of becoming an outy). No swelling of hands or feet, and my skin is pretty good and spot-free. It could be so much worse! And the girls are very active, lots of kicking and wriggling going on. Good news.

In other news, we have made the first twin related purchase - the double buggy + carrycots etc. We went for the over the top sounding TFK Twinner Twist Duo, after reading great online reviews and going to visit one of the UK's very few stockists in Bath one Saturday. It felt like a great buggy but still remains to be seen whether it will fit through the front door of the new house*...

I have also become a lot more nervous about spending time in hospital unexpectedly, after a woman on one of the Babycentre boards gave birth at 28 weeks - so some hospital bag purchases were made today (nighties and the like, and a few tiny baby sleepsuits) though there is still a lot to get.

I also made the decision to start my maternity leave earlier, as physically it is becoming a real strain to be at work and mentally I feel like I need at least some sort of break from the stresses and strains of everyday work life to focus on the family and the twins' arrival. Given that they could come pretty much any time (though very unlikely to come this early thank goodness!) I wanted to protect some time before the birth for a bit of sorting, planning, nesting and focussing on their big sister too. So 9th December is my last day at work for a year and my word it can't come soon enough. 4 weeks to go, whoop whoop!
* more of which in next post

23 weeks 5 days

Comparing pregnancies is starting to get a bit silly so I think after this post I'm going to stop referring to what it was like being pregnant with Gemma. Current bump size is about midway between 29 and 36 weeks size last time, I am 10st 4 lbs (20lbs heavier than when I got pregnant) which I think is about 2 lbs heavier than I reached when about to give birth last time! and symptoms, well, got the lot this time and had hardly any last time. So twinnies, you are truly unique.

One thing that is different, is the level of preparedness for the babies at this stage in the pregnancy. I'm sure last time we had made buggy and cot decisions, decided on monitors, and started making purchases. This time, nothing at all bar one slightly half-hearted visit to a local pram shop to look at double buggies. Part of this will be due to the fact we're shortly to move house, and there seems little point in buying a lot of new stuff we'll only have to pack up again into boxes and unpack when we move. In my head I am envisioning us, one week(ish) post-move, with a dedicated, fairly decent sized room for the twins, starting to really sort out existing things and make online purchases for new. If we move by the end of November (please, please let us get a completion date soon) that should give at least one month to plan for Christmas, Gemma's birthday and the twins' arrival, before January arrives and with it the very real likelihood of them coming earlier than their due date. If they come really early, before Christmas, well, at least they won't be naked, as they'll have all of Gemma's old stuff to wear, some of which might even be washed. But unless we pull our fingers out they won't have a whole lot else...

Of course work tends to have an inconvenient way of getting in the middle of my nice nesting plans, and currently I am going to be in the office right up until Christmas. However, the way I've been feeling (back and hips really sore and aching every afternoon and evening; broken sleep; wretched heartburn; feeling like my bump could literally explode with the pressure) I wouldn't rule out finishing a bit earlier. Unlike last time, where I left the office on my last day not knowing when or how I would be returning, I am pretty sure I will be back at Oxfam in a year's time (or in a day or so after I go on leave, as I'll be taking Gemma to and from nursery every day!) so my current work days are taken up with planning for 2012 to make sure my team are OK and I don't come back to more chaos than is necessary in 2013...

Next scan is at 28 weeks so we'll see the girls again and find out how they are growing. I had a cervical scan at 21 weeks which luckily showed my cervix to be of a normal length (if it had been short I would have been at risk of delivering the twins very prematurely) so as far as we know I am as low risk as you can get for a multiple pregnancy. Both girls are currently kicking away thanks to the berry smoothie I've just ingested, and I heard strong heartbeats at a recent doctor's appointment. As long as they are happy, I can put up with most discomforts. And luckily the very weepy stage seems to have abated a bit ;o)

20 weeks 3 days

Some good stuff and not so good over the past few weeks, but let's focus on the good first! We had our anomaly scan today, where the twins were very well behaved, lots of wriggling going on but they let us and the sonographer see all the important bits. All organs and limbs are developing really well, no issues or worries at all and both are around the same size and measuring well. They are around 370-380 grams each which is the right weight for babies of 20-21 weeks gestation so no wonder I feel so enormous - I have two normal size and weight babies inside me! Apparently after about 28 weeks they slow down a bit when they realise there isn't a lot of room any more...good job as with the rate they're going I will be toppling over every time I stand up by December.

the only one of two babies together - two heads (I think!)

baby 1 (head down, first out!)

baby 1 again - a great 3D shot

baby 2, breech, hopefully will turn later on!

And yes, we found out the sex, and we are having 2 more girls! Neither little lady was shy about showing off her lady bits so it was pretty clear in both cases. Now I need to find some way of staving off the inevitable onslaught of pink from now until teenage years. Gemma was a little underwhelmed when we told her - she interrupted us by saying she wanted a boy and a girl - so hopefully by the time they arrive she'll be well conditioned to accepting the fact that she'll get two little sisters.

It's such a relief to know that the babies are both doing well, that it's made the past few weeks a little easier to bear. I am currently signed off work for a week, the first time I think that's ever happened, due to the severe coccyx and back pain I'm getting on sitting, and also a horrendous cough and cold that's making the back pain worse. It doesn't help that half the time I blow my nose I end up with a nosebleed either. So the past few weeks I've been feeling very sorry for myself, very emotional and dissolving into tears frequently when feeling run down - which is pretty much every day after about 2-3pm. At a physio appointment yesterday I was so tearful the lovely therapist immediately made me a doctor's appointment for later in the day and virtually ordered me to take a week off work, which of course made me feel hideously guilty and start weeping again. Anyway hopefully after a few days of resting, getting rid of the cold  and not sitting at my desk hunched over email, I should be feeling a bit more chipper. And I also have a fetching belly-tubigrip type thing to wear, which may also help. So today is a great day for taking my mind off all this, and reminding me I have 2 lovely healthy, blossoming wee girlies growing inside me and how grateful I am for that! :)

17 weeks 4 days

On holiday for what is likely to be the last time before the babes arrive. On the plus side, we managed to cram all our packing into the boot of Ali's car - not even needing to split the rear seats and precariously balance things next to Gemma's car seat, or have all the foot wells brimful of stuff. Now Gemma is older, she doesn't need travel cot, bed guards, much in the way of food, or nappies any more - just clothes, toys and a few snacks. I reckon we could even have got away without the buggy this time as we have hardly used it since being away. This, I know, will be the one and only time we will travel this light, until, ooh, maybe 18 years time when Ali and I may possibly be allowed to go on hols by ourselves again?

We've had a lovely time in Padstow, even though the weather has been a bit iffy at times. Beach, Eden Project, ferry rides, a trip to a steam railway (Gemma's new favourite is Thomas the Tank Engine, though she still loves Peppa). On the down side, no cider for me (boo) and no trip on the bikes on the Camel Trail - Ali took Gemma out for the morning which gave me a chance to rest, but I would sooner have been out with them. This week's bump picture has me looking in a slightly better mood than the last one!

Bump-wise I am getting bigger and bigger. And bigger. Lots of things are aching, principally back (all over, upper and lower, but not coccyx as I haven't been sitting on hard chairs for long periods - NOT looking forward to going back to work for this reason); but also hips, and the bump itself is also getting a bit tight and hard and achy by the end of the day. No cravings but I am fast becoming a connoisseur of traditional 'fiery' ginger beers - so far the Crabbies non-alcoholic version is the leader though Luscombe Farm is also pretty good. I have also taken the opportunity while in Cornwall to feed the babies up on clotted cream fudge ;)

I'm definitely feeling movements, mostly from Thing 2 (the higher up twin) as he or she is not as deeply within me, but Thing 1 (lower down, deeper within my pelvis) is also now providing some distinct flutters. This is all very reassuring as when I went for my 16 week appointment with the (very nice, but very no-nonsense) midwife Diana, she could only find one heartbeat with the doppler. This apparently is not unusual with twins especially when one is more hidden away than the other, so she wasn't worried at all, especially as we heard some squealy noises that were pretty sure to be movements from Thing 1 - but until I felt him or her move myself, I was panicking a bit. Appointment with the consultant is next week and in 2 weeks we have the anomaly scan so will find out the sex then. Can't wait!

15 weeks

Well, 15 weeks is the official date, but as the larger of the two babes was measuring 5 days further on at the last scan, that's what I'm telling anyone who asks, which makes it slightly complicated. "Well, officially 15 weeks, but actually nearer to 16 weeks"and all this made even more surreal because from the expressions they have you can tell people are really expecting me to be about 5 months gone already. Looking at the first bump picture I posted when I was pregnant with Gemma, it's a whole other kettle of fish. I reckon I am slightly bigger than I was at almost 23 weeks before (see this post for ref...!) and on re-reading it, I can't believe there were still people then who didn't know I was pregnant at 5 months. No chance of that this time.


No new symptoms but I have a consultant appointment now, for a week before my anomaly scan. Googling the chap's name he appears to have done lots of very complicated and skilled surgery on women who are pregnant with multiples, and is a renowned expert in fetal medicine, so that has reassured us a lot. I trundled along to the midwife last week to ask a few questions and came away with the advice to take Floradix, a herbal liquid iron supplement, so chugging that before meals now. Back is aching, mostly coccyx pain but I should get a physio appointment soon. Other than that, no news to report other than the occasional flutters mentioned in the previous post, which are coming a little less frequently now. Can't wait for proper movement so I can guess whereabouts the little blighters are located!

13 weeks 1 day

Something is going on in my insides. I can't possibly be feeling any baby movements YET can I? I have only just had my lunch so am quite willing to believe that there is some radical digestive commotion happening beneath my ribcage but honestly, I am assuming it's to do with my little buns. Sweet now, maybe, but what if they are this active at 28 weeks? I will be forever jerking about and clasping my belly with firm hands in attempts to quell the obvious judderings. And I'll be getting even less sleep than I am now. Oh cripes....

Spot the difference

Well, a socking great bump for one.

Yes, at almost 13 weeks, I am pregnant again! with some significant differences to last time. I suppose first off is the fact I'm blogging it much earlier than with my pregnancy with Gemma, where I started writing at 15 weeks, but didn't put any posts live until after we'd had the anomaly scan at around 21 weeks. Having had a very early miscarriage before my successful pregnancy, I was a little paranoid that things wouldn't go to plan, so even though we started telling friends and family after the nuchal scan at 11 weeks, I held off from announcing anything online. I'd done quite a bit of research into baby stuff, pregnancy facts etc but hadn't yet started reading the wealth of parenting forums, mummy blogs, and online baby resource sites that there are out there. It seemed a bit weird to be talking about my expanding waistline with the ever present risk that I would have to blog about something not so nice in the event of things going wrong later down the line. So I waited.

This time, however, things are a bit different. I am a bit more open about sharing progress earlier on, having read some heart-wrenching but beautiful stories from other women and knowing that for every one of my friends and colleagues who has had a successful happy pregnancy there is likely to be one who has a sadder story to tell as well.

Also, as mentioned, there's a bit more to tell this time. Twice the amount, in fact. Yes, it is TWINS. TWO. DOUBLE THE FUN.

To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I don't think I have ever felt so absolutely at a loss before in my life, than I was at the moment the doctor moved the scanner over my belly, went 'ohh!' in a surprised voice, and confirmed there were two babies nestling in my womb. With no family history of twins, no fertility drugs or IVF, it wasn't a possibility that had even remotely occurred to me - at 10 weeks pregnant I was at the clinic to get my bloods taken prior to having a nuchal scan at 11.5 weeks, and expecting to have a quick dating scan to confirm the dates and check for a heartbeat. Prior to that moment my only concern had been to see a living being in there (ONE living being, that is) and not to find out I'd had a missed miscarriage.

So there's been some pretty radical readjusting going on in mine and Ali's head space over the past few weeks. It is of course amazing, wonderful news, both babies are currently fine and developing brilliantly and after the nuchal scan today we are a lot more reassured that things are progressing as well as they could be.

But it's also massively scary. A complete curveball for me, who had planned to do everything pretty much the same this time round. Easy pregnancy (hopefully), finish work about 3 or 4 weeks prior to due date, natural birth in the pool in the midwife unit, breastfeed as long as possible, cloth nappies, 9-12 months maternity leave etc etc. But now it's officially a high risk pregnancy, so no pool, no midwife unit, the chances are high they will come earlier therefore stopping work earlier, breastfeeding I am assured will be OK but a bit more challenging! and all the other considerations to come. Not to mention the need to move house asap and change the recently purchased Polo (OK for 2 car seats, limited boot space) for some kind of people carrier.

Symptoms wise it's been a whole lot rougher. Nausea in the afternoons and early evenings is thankfully tailing off now, but absolute bone-shaking tiredness has been present since about 5 or 6 weeks and shows no signs of abating. Spots, yuk. Stuffy nose I can't seem to get rid of. I feel starving all the time! And I am ALREADY enormous and in maternity clothes, whereas I didn't really start showing until about 17 or 18 weeks with Gemma.

So it'll be an interesting next 4, 5 or 6 months depending on how far I get before they decide to make an entry to the world. I'm going to try and do the same as before, which is blog how I am feeling physically, mentally and emotionally throughout the pregnancy. I am 100% sure that after two little ones arrive there won't be time to do more than track their progress along similar lines to what we've done for Gemma. So I feel it's important to have this space to detail some of the journey towards their arrival. Hopefully future posts will be a little more succinct without sounding quite so freaked out by it all!

Get a grip

Something very strange and nice has happened to me over the past few weeks. I appear to have been welcomed into the warm embrace of what could be termed the 'mummy bloggerhood' via twitter and blogworld, with a few new followers and lots of new people's lives to read about and nod in agreement with. (It's also opened me up to a concept which quite frankly would scare the bejesus out of me if I didn't know that most of my Twitter followers don't actually want to read about the minutiae of my life, and that is tweeting a link to a newly published blog post. I used to have my blog linked to Facebook and a few of my FB friends found it from there, but since the squillion upgrades they've had that has disappeared. It feels very odd indeed to be proclaiming to the world at large that I've written something but hey, let's give it a go...)

But all this has led to a few roundabout conversations in my head about how much I can commit to write every week. When I started my blog I was commuting hours each day on the train; had no childcare responsibilities, a varied social and home life and consequently a large variety of things to write about. When I got pregnant I was still commuting and found it very therapeutic to blog about my weekly bump progress. When Gemma came along and I landed a local job with no commute, well look at the yearly archive of posts and the numbers for 2009 and 2010 speak for themselves. I joined Twitter over a year ago and have used it to tweet a random mix of personal, work/industry related stuff, and tv musings (Masterchef, Strictly et al), none on a regular basis. I follow a similarly assorted bunch of celebs, friends, work colleagues, and industry tweeters - a bit like the blogs I read, which I categorise in my reader under various headings - local, craft, personal, e-commerce, etc. One of those headings is 'baby' which is a catch all term for the mummy bloggers I've come across over the years. It's probably more relevant as a 'where did I first hear about this blogger and what did I immediately typecast them as' rather than what they actually blog about - all of them being intelligent, creative, articulate women with excellent taste in music, books, food, culture and all sorts of other interesting things. They just all happen to have kids and write entertainingly and movingly about them. This post is an interesting take on the 'mummy blogger' phenomenon and actually made even more interesting for the comments after it.

So why I am I so hesitant about becoming part of this throng? Like anyone I crave acceptance to a group, and perhaps not like anyone am paralysed with worry when I feel I'm being judged or not accepted. However - I know this is not happening to me at the moment and it shows my overanalytical internal nagging at the issue at hand. I was tagged in a meme the other day - the first time ever - and it totally freaked me out. Not because I don't have 7 things to say about myself that are faintly interesting (eh-hem well more likely I don't) but because firstly time seems to be of the essence with these things and once a Twitter day has gone by everyone has moved onto the next thing, and I haven't had a moment to sit down and write anything until now. If I didn't do it what WOULD people think?? Secondly, it wouldn't occur to me to write a blog post about something like that ordinarily, so why should being tagged make things different?

I'm sure I am flouting all sorts of blog etiquette rules here and probably ruling myself out of any meaningful relationship building with my new cyber friends. Most have probably realised by now that they're not going to get much out of me other than a few tweets now and again rather than a chatty conversation; and a blog post once in a blue moon. In turn I will still enjoy reading the new blogs I've found and will ping back a tweet to a comment that particularly resonates with me. But just as I don't call myself a craft blogger because I'm a member of Ravelry and knit occasionally; or a food blogger because I made some jam last November, I don't really feel I can call myself a mummy blogger because I sometimes write about Gemma.

In fact looking at recent posts I seem to be writing an awful lot about whether or not I'm going to continue writing and what type of writing that is and the fact that I don't write as much as I used to. This cannot be good for anyone. Draw the line. Onwards and upwards. My next post will be about compost heaps, or estate agents, or something.

Is this the solution to my blogging productivity?

So. I downloaded the BlogPress app onto my phone, ooh, ages ago. Never used it before but if this works (and looks ok - I am a stickler for presentation) it might just prompt me to post a bit more often. Slightly more scope than 140 tweeting characters, fewer readers than for my FB statuses, who knows what scintillating insight (or random TV commentary) you could be subjected to in the future. Watch this space...

Just noticed the little camera icon too. Here's a pic! Not of me. Obviously. I like this app!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Looking forward

So it's the last day of 2010, a year notable for almost complete lack of blogging from my perspective and complete hectic frenzy on most other fronts. And not because of any life changing events or major projects on the go, nothing that could really be described as IMPORTANT. Only the constant struggle to fit 2 full time working parents (one of whom spends a number of weeks out of the year on another continent), one full time nursery toddler, some family holidays, the bare minimum of home maintenance, extra curricular time for family, friends, swimming lessons and weekly chores, and about 10 minutes every week for a moment to sit down and think, into the last 12 months since I went back to work.

It's actually been a really tough year as well as a wonderful one. Gemma has come on so much in her physical, mental and social development and is a right little lovely monkey now (see http://lefthandedmonkey.com for her progress updates) - this past Christmas and 2nd birthday have been fantastic. One of the funniest moments was having lunch out with friends yesterday - after a big bowl of ice cream and much excitedness, Gemma put her spoon down, looked at everyone and said earnestly, "I'm a bit hyper now".

However, I have found it really tough working full time as well as being a full time mother. I don't feel I have deprived Gemma in any real way - I'm sure she would love a day or two extra a week at home with mummy but overall she loves nursery so much and it has brought her on in so many ways that I actually feel they have done a better job than I would have in some respects. After all there is still no designated 'messy play' area in our house for her and I will always veer towards the story reading/walk to the park/swimming/play with toys type of entertainment rather than getting the play dough or pens or paints out. Some of the sweetest moments this Christmas have been late afternoon, on a bit of a wind down from all the chocolate and overexcitedness, snuggled on the sofa with her watching a kids film.

No, it's more the breathing space that I'm missing, and the realisation that actually I am more of a homebody than I had previously thought, and hate not being able to get all the things done round the home that I constantly spot need doing. I find it incredibly frustrating that I don't have the time to sort out the garden or plan stuff that needs to be done around the house or actually finish more than one piece of knitting per 6 month period. Clothes shopping is a furtive 20 minutes at work on the internet at lunchtime. Meal planning for our week is more 'what's in the veg box and how many fishfingers do we have left in the freezer' rather than looking creatively at what we have and browsing a few recipe books for inspiration. And always the nagging guilt that we should be spending much more quality time together as a family at the weekends rather than me martialling everyone from swimming to supermarket to swings to home and nap time while the cleaning is done, repeat ad infinitum...

2011? I don't think it will be much different to begin with. My work year is not going to be any less hectic, for a start. But as Gemma grows up and will become less demanding (maybe not quite yet, but hopefully at some point this year!) maybe we'll be able to plan our out of work lives to be a bit more fulfilling, and I can take pleasure from the little things and stop fretting over the big stuff. After all, we have so much to be thankful for. So thanks, 2010 and hello 2011. May your days be merry and bright.

Time to try again

For any old friends who might still be out there, no, not that type of trying.

It's time for me to decide, once and for all, whether I am going to continue blogging here or stop once and for all, and at the moment, the former is the preferred option. I've just re-read all my 'pregnancy diaries' on this blog and realised that actually I bloody enjoyed writing about stuff on a regular basis. And today I learned that Bloglines, my RSS reader of choice, is ceasing to exist on 1st October, which has given me a bit of a jolt. Even before I started blogging myself, I used Bloglines to aggregate all my feeds, and have found it the simplest and most user friendly of interfaces ever since. Every new post on this blog plus all the posts and photo albums I've posted on lefthandedmonkey.com have been viewed via Bloglines, so it peeves me mightily to have to use Google Reader or somesuch from now on.

What this news has done though is prompt me to re-read the past few years of postings on good intentions. This year has seen a massive blogging hiatus, wholly due to the demands of a full time job and a full on daughter. One of the reasons I have decided to carry on blogging, even if there are no readers out there any more, is the increasing frustration I'm feeling at the lack of individual time I have to just be myself, do stuff, that isn't job or family related. My family is my life, don't get me wrong, and by gum Gemma is the best achievement I have ever made. But it's time to reclaim a bit of 'me' even if it's simply by writing things down. With no commuting time (except driving in the rush hour singing Baa Baa Black Sheep at the top of my voice to entertain the small child in the back); no early morning time at work; and limited free time at home (sssh I was meant to be ironing tonight) this is going to be a bugger to achieve, but I want to give it a go again.

If it gets to May 2011 before I post again, maybe I'll have a rethink. But I should be able to do better than that, I hope.

Business as usual

New year, new projects - at least that's the idea. I've actually been pretty busy on the knitting front since Christmas, making a cardigan for Gemma's baby friend Alice who was born in the same birthing pool exactly 2 weeks later than she was! Incredibly annoyingly I ran out of yarn about 5 rows from the end of the final sleeve. Grrrr. Still, it's given me renewed vigour for making things, and my yarn stash is relatively healthy (well, for me anyway) so there are a few little hats on the way, finally finishing my Central Park Hoodie (a mere 15 months after starting it, eh-hem...) a jumper for Gemma, and then, enticingly, a package from Clothkits on its way. They have a sale on at the moment and when I saw the image below I just couldn't resist ordering the dress, and then a little birdie skirt to go with it. You can't adequately describe this kind of cute, can you?



In other news, I've decided after much humming and hawing to stop going to the monthly bookgroup for a while. I've gone to the Mostly Books Wednesday evening bookgroup since its inaugural meeting back in 2006, but over the last 12 months have been attending sporadically due to a certain little one's arrival. I have read all the designated books each month however, and have increasingly found that doing this gives me little or no time to read my unread mountain, making me slightly resentful of the bookgroup book I feel I have to read. (Naming no names, Silas Marner). Now that I'm back at work full time, I decided I would see how that affects my work-life-reading balance, get through a pile of books of my choosing, and see how I feel later in the year about re-joining the group.

Finally, a nice feelgood end to the post - I had a fantastic piece of luck a few weeks ago while working from home due to the snow. As nursery was shut, Ali and I were sharing Gemma duties while trying to answer emails etc and after she'd woken from her morning nap on the second day at home we decided to take a walk to avoid cabin fever. We made it into town, went to Scuffs (a brilliant kids shoe shop in the market square in Abingdon) and bought the next size up in Padraig Slippers - the only shoes she cannot pull off, hehe.. On the way back home, trying to avoid slipping and sliding in the heavy snow/ice, I put the shoe bag and my purse in the bottom of the pram. On reaching home however we found the bag had disappeared. Disaster! So I retraced my steps into town (including a heavy tumble on the ice which gave me an enormous bruise to my knee and my dignity), hoping to find the bag still where it had fallen, whereever that may be. No luck. I got back to Scuffs without much hope of finding anything, only to be told that some kind soul had found the bag, looked through my purse to find my contact details, handed the bag and purse to a local community policeman, and phoned Scuffs with the details in case I ended up back there. The police phoned me as well to let me know they had the bag safe, so I picked it up from the station that afternoon, intact. The guy who was so honest was a chap called Ed Carlin, and he phoned me a number of times to make sure I knew my purse was safe, as well as sending me a very sweet text afterwards declining my offer of a thankyou gift. It's wonderful to know there are honest, helpful and conscientious people out there. Bless 'im.